Huh.

My brain– it doesn’t work. Or rather, what it does do, isn’t good enough. I can never tell what kind of signal I’m going to get, clear or muffled. Will I wake up feeling like I can take on the world, or will I wake up with body pain all over?
I’m in the interesting position at [...]

Ticker

This is the highest time of the year. The highest roses, highest sun before it becomes oppressive, everything everything.
Outside, there is a lot of confusion. A lot of people, who knows what they think. The smell of roses, peonies, berry flowers, clover. Heady scents, creamy and on fire.
I am very confused. I realize that my [...]

Well…

…I haven’t written in a long time. Been feeling sort of middle-aged lately. Really busy, and then for what? And then having the capability to buy new pants.
Feeling very hermit-y. By turns, ridiculously light-hearted and generous, mixed with periods of total, bottomlessly abject depression that just sort of amaze me. Finding out that stoic philosophy [...]

Jesus Christ, Columbus Is Boring the Living Shit Out of Me

Look. I’m willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. But Columbus, Ohio, is seriously boring the living shit out of me.
I know, I know it isn’t fair. And what’s wrong with football?? Well, if I could just go look at a goddamned tree without 50 strangers jogging by, listening to Arcade Fire, that’s [...]

A New Post

I can’t seem to write, right now. Everything is going much better. But I’d rather just stare out the window and drink a cup of tea than write anything. This presents a problem as I have several writing projects due and haven’t had the wherewithal to write them.
But I will.

Bas Jan Ader

What’s left? After all this, I’m too tired to type. An unquenchable sea of boredom, a desert of boredom. What’s left? I don’t care about almost anything. A salad sounds nice.
It’s an interesting sensation when the tiny little hope in the background of your life gets snuffed out. It’s the engine behind a lot of [...]

Fuck this

Well, here I am again. It is the very fucking bottom of the bottom. I keep trying to be positive, keep trying to keep it together, God I try so hard. And every once in a while I just have to give up because I am tired.
I am stuck here in Columbus Ohio, and it [...]

THIS IS THE EMOTIONAL BALLET; AND I’VE TRAINED

Wood-panelled rooms.
Gilded moldings.
Tiled backsplashes.
Stainless-steel containers.
I grew my hair out like a wild animal.
Paul said I was like a daisy.
A pounded silver like a coin; international currency.
I don’t belong here.
I belong with you.
You can’t keep me from your heart.
I know you have one.
It’s a secret.

GREY COLUMNS/ LAGOONS

You can be with someone who has more money.
You can be with someone more comely.
You can be with someone who, who
 
But you will never be with someone who loves you as much as I do.
You will never be with someone who is a much a mystery to you, as I am.
I love you, you need [...]

The pain.

 

The pain is starting in earnest now. I have been sawn in half and there is no talking my way out of it. The pain of a lifetime. There is no way out. I want to accept it but it is too big. It is starting now. It is starting now.
I have to accept it. [...]